This holiday season, like life itself, is bittersweet.
In a single day in my medical practice, I tend to a cross-section of society — patients of every race and ethnicity at different stages along the journey of life.
Society chooses the darkest days of winter with over-the-top celebration and consumption. Yet many of us walk the thin edge between joy and despair.
At Christmas time, there are many families struggling for every meal, individuals alone without family and friends, those without homes and those who are reminded of traumatic holidays past and loved ones no longer here. Amidst our celebrations and gift-giving, remember those who have less to celebrate, and if the holidays are bittersweet for you, know that you are not alone.
I start early listening to Christmas music and putting up the tree. As the years go by, the season — as with everything else in life — passes too quickly.
But that familiar music reminds us of Christmases past and the realization that as these few things remain the same year after year, so much more has changed.
The holiday season brings our families and friends, the past and the present into focus and with it both smiles and tears.
We are not so different from toddlers — too young to have borderline personality disorder — who can be moved from giggles to tears in a moment.
The holiday table is like the stage of life, our loved ones and friends enter and exit the stage over the years. But we are more than the roles we play and we are more than the characters of a separate self. Even after leaving the stage, we each remain a part of the greater stories in the lives of those we leave behind.
I recall the first Christmas without my mom who had died in April 2003, and we dreaded the grief and longing that would come with what was once the happiest of times for our family.
My young children were a great consolation. In each of them, I could see some of my mom; she had touched and influenced them in different ways and the love I shared with them was a continuation of my mother’s love.
My daughter was five and my sons nine and 11. Their joy would bring me joy.
We decided to go away that first Christmas, and because they were young we would make it a surprise.
On Christmas Eve, my wife and I packed each of their little suitcases and loaded them in our van. On what they thought would be another lazy day at home, we woke them up early and told them we were going on a mystery trip.
At the airport was the first surprise. Grandpa was there with Auntie Lisa and Uncle Barry.
The kids picked up clues along the way and each of them guessed where we were going at different points on our journey. The magical moment was when we drove past the Magic Kingdom and I saw my son’s dimpled smile as he said, “We’re going to Disneyland!”
My mom made our Christmases extra special. As with everything at home, she looked after the details and did so with love, generosity and kindness, but her own childhood was marked by tremendous loss.
My mom was born in the Strathcona neighbourhood of Vancouver. When my mom was nine years old, she and her seven siblings were orphaned. Her oldest sisters were teenagers and her youngest brother was still in diapers. To keep the family together, the oldest sisters decided that they would all work to raise the rest of the family until the youngest finished school.
Eighty five years later, my cousins and their families continue to meet for a special dinner. We have lost more loved ones over the years and my Auntie Mamie is the only surviving sibling. We catch up on the personal milestones of the past year and the activities of our children. All the while, we remember that every one of us is here today because of the mutual love of those orphaned siblings — my mom and my aunts and uncles.
This holiday season, may you bring forth the best of the past, held up by the love you have received and share that love with the special people in your life today.
Let us dance on through this stage of life together.
Dr. Davidicus Wong is a Burnaby family physician and has written for Glacier Media since 1991.
To learn more strategies for managing difficult emotions and maintaining your emotional wellbeing, you can join Dr. Wong for the next online talk of the Burnaby Division of Family Practice’s Empowering Patients public education program.
At 7 p.m. on Thursday, Dec. 19, he present “Emotional Wellbeing and Resilience Practices” to prepare you for the busy and often emotional holiday season. He’ll cover key emotional health skills (including emotional awareness, mindfulness, managing stress, and managing our thoughts and feelings); recognizing the symptoms of stress, anxiety, mood and other psychological conditions; and where to find help when needed.
For details, you can visit the organization's website or call Leona Cullen at 604-259-4450.
